Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I Am Planning To Continue Blogging....

    I am planning to continue blogging but I need a normal schedule before I can do so.  Right now I am in orientation for my new job and I do not know how some of you work 5 days a week!!  I cannot wait to be finished with orientation and only working 3 days a week.  Work is just taking up too much of my time and I can't stand that as soon as I get home I have to workout, then shower, then cook, then clean, then time for bed and repeat.  What is the point?! 
     At any rate it will probably be the weekend before I sit down to really blog again because I am just too stressed out right now.  I know, I'm crazy; but it's true.  I realized today that one of the reasons I'm having so much trouble with anxiety the past week is because, I think, this is the first time I have been back in a hospital since Jon's spleen ruptured and nearly killed him at the beginning of the summer.  And then I got caught up in the wedding planning drama.  This is the first time in a long time I've had time to think and it's causing me all kinds of anxiety.  I've always, always had trouble adapting and making changes whether it was the first day of school or first day of the semester, etc.  This has been particularly rough on me and I am hoping it goes away really soon because walking around all day feeling like you can't breathe isn't very comfortable. 
     Yesterday I even skipped working out and came straight home, took a bath and got in the bed and pulled the covers over my head and except for a small snack, didn't get up until this morning to do it all over again.  Today I realized the whole thing about being back in a hospital and I just kept remembering Jon being so sick and how he almost died, etc. and then wouldn't you know it, a pastor came in to talk for an hour about death.  About how the families feel after someone dies, what our views are of death, how the patient feels etc.  There I was already down and boom it all came hurtling at me again.  Some things he shared were very touching and I had tears in my eyes thinking about it all.  And then I drove home in the pouring down rain.
    So I will return to my more entertaining posts........I just need a few days.  And a routine.

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